God Hates ... Figs?

In the new media monopoly that is our existence, we listen to the radio, we watch the television and we surf the internet (Or does it surf us? Food for thought.) with so much reckless abandon. Click here to make this person your new best friend; click here to join a group of like-minded people who also happen to hate Justin Beiber; don't turn that dial or the boredom you experience may just be your own! With so much coming at us from every angle, in every possible color, size, consistency and decibel, how can we possibly stop to smell the roses?

It has been said - I'm not sure where, but I can tell you who won last seasons "American Idol" ... okay, no I can't. It's been, like, almost a week - that an astounding amount of the world's ugliness began with a misunderstanding. World war, assassination, protest, product recall, banner advertisements, many of them started by any number of situations that would make the average sit-com writer blush.

This is all true. I read it ... in the ... Bible. Yeah, Bible.

Speaking of the Bible, let's throw out some seemingly innocent and random verses. Feel free to pay attention. Or not.

• Jeremiah 29:17, Thus saith the Lord of hosts; Behold, I will send upon them the sword, the famine, and the pestilence, and will make them like vile figs, that cannot be eaten, they are so evil.
• Psalms 105:33, He smote their vines also and their fig trees; and brake the trees of their coasts.
• Matthew 21:18-19, Now in the morning as he returned into the city, he hungered. And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away.
• Jeremiah 24:2, One basket had very good figs, even like the figs that are first ripe: and the other basket had very naughty figs, which could not be eaten, they were so bad.
• Luke 13:8, And he answering said unto him, Lord, let it alone this year also, till I shall dig about it, and dung it.

... Okay, I'm not sure what's going on there other than Luke was dipping into the wine a tad early that day.

All I'm really trying to say is that, after having read the Bible several times over the course of my life, I have yet to see any evidence that God hates fags. However, there seems to be ample evidence that God absolutely loathed figs.

In conclusion, Fred Phelps has based his entire career on a typo. Alert the media.