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I posted another few authors before, but they all ought to join the Open Space Library here @ Thom's. I'll find the ones I have posted elsewhere and invite them to join. (Maybe if I offer to give them a blowjob-I mean blow the dust on their dust cover they'll come? over I mean) Poe asked for a duster instead.

  1. **The Works of Edgar Allan Poe Volume 4 (Illustrated) by Edgar Allan Poe. Price: Free. Genre: Horror Classic Novel of the Day, Poe. Rated: 4.7 stars on 55 Reviews. 205 pages. ASIN: B00M4KDYRK.
  2. Sinclair Lewis "Babbitt"
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Comments

I was looking for The Eve Diaries by Twain, still looking.

Converstions by the Fireside with the Tudors in 1601- Twain (and you were there)

I being her maites cup-bearer, had no choice but to remaine and beholde rank forgot, and ye high holde converse wh ye low as uppon equal termes, a grete scandal did ye world heare thereof.

In ye heat of ye talk it befel yt one did breake wind, yielding an exceding mightie and distresfull stink, whereat all did laugh full sore, and then—

I took a bit of libert with the title, but not enough. How about "Fart Jokes With the Tudors"?

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douglaslee: Thanks for the tip. I'm surprised Amazon would be giving anything away free. Here's another web site that has quite a few older books that are also free (including the one you mentioned by Poe..and although I see a couple of books by Sinclair Lewis...I don't see Babbit):
https://archive.org
They have old films and audio works as well.
And LibriVox has a bunch of audio books that are all free as well.
Here are some of Poe's poems in audio book form:
https://librivox.org/edgar-allan-poe-poems-by-edgar-allan-poe/
They are read by volunteers and anyone can volunteer to participate.
And free books here...46,000 of them.
https://www.gutenberg.org/

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douglaslee: Eve's Diary
http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/8525

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Thanks Pali for finding that. I love that book, funny and touching. The photos are cool too.

I read Voltaire on http://www.openculture.com/free_ebooks this site.

  1. **The Works of Edgar Allan Poe Volume 5 (Illustrated) by Edgar Allan Poe. Price: Free. Genre: Horror Classic of the Day, Poe. Rated: 4.4 stars on 53 Reviews. 371 pages. ASIN: B00M73NYKQ. In this edition:

    Philosophy of Furniture
    A Tale of Jerusalem
    The Sphinx
    Hop Frog
    The Man of the Crowd
    Never Bet the Devill Your Head
    Thou Art the Man
    Why the Little Frenchman Wears his Hand in a Sling
    Bon-Bon
    Some words with a Mummy (That would be an interesting conversation)
    The Poetic Principle
    Old English Poetry

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Fantastic, douglaslee, that's a new one to me, thanks for adding to my list of free literature sites! :-)
I just installed Calibre to read in formats other than just the ones I was limited to. I think I like it a lot. And that is free too although they ask for a donation, of course. I normally just use my computer but maybe I'll get a Kindle or Nook or something so I can read when I'm away form my computer.

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I got the Poe book, the Mummy conversation is great. He's only 600 years old, two hundred less than the average age, and his dad as some occasionally did, lived to 1000, but 1010 was about the oldest. They were distraught that their histories collapse into fable, and 'twas known not one current historian had gotten one iota of his family's history and writings correct. It is good. btw, his name is Allamistakea, the doctors surmised he was a Count. "Gods? Did I hear that? Everyone knows there is only one" paraphrasing the Egyptian gentleman.

He also clears up "Creation? Beginning? There is no start. We did hear of some Red Earth talk, Adam I think it was called that germinated like low life forms do".

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allamistakeo! Somehow, I don't think that would be allowed in Saudi Arabia. ;-}
I just read it. Funny! :-)

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I forgot to say he was embalmed 5000 years ago. Others at the time CHOSE to be embalmed alive because they wanted to take their average 800 years in stages. Philosophers would publish their work, call the embalmer and get the instructions clear for when they should be awakened, then check on their work and see what historians got wrong. They would purposely put some marks on the sides, then most of the time people of the current day when they woke thought these were edit notes and references ..snicker... Poe had a sense of humor. Oh, there's poetry in this edition, Eldorado is in it.

I also forgot that when I asked Poe about the dust on his book if he wanted me to clear it before moving it here he said."You mean that white dust? Don't touch it, I'll take care of it".

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El Dorado...no organized religion and no religious persecution...quite possibly the best of all possible worlds. Candide...did indeed.

I wonder what state of sobriety Mr. Poe was in when he thought up allamistakeo? Perhaps, he was snorting some of that white dust? But I think he was more for drinking that brown stuff along with a sizable portion of Welsh Rabbit. ;-}

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Works-Edgar-Allan-Poe-ebook

The Purloined Letter
THe Thousand and Second Tale of Scheherazade
A Descent into the Maelstrom
Von Kempelen and his Discovery
Mesmeric Revelation
The Facts in the Case of Mr. Valdemar
The Black Cat
The Fall of the House of Usher
SIlence - a fable
The Masque of the Red Death
THe Cask of Amontillado
The Imp of the Perverse
THe Island of the Fay
The Assignation
THe Pit and the Pendulum
THe Premature Burial
The Domain of Arnheim
Landor's Cottage
William Wilson

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Works-Edgar-Allan-Poe-ebook

The Devil in the Belfry
Lionizing
X-ing a Paragraph
Metzengerstein
THe System of Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether
How to Write a Blackwood Article
A Predicament
Mystification
DIddling
THe Angel of the Odd
Mellonta Tauta
The Duc de L'omelette
THe Oblong Box
Loss of Breath
The Man that was Used Up
THe Business Man
THe Landscape Garden
Maelzel's Chess Player
THe power of Words
The Colloquy of Monos and Unas
The Conversation of Eiros and Charmion
Shadow, A Parable

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Works-Edgar-Allan-Poe-ebook

The Devil in the Belfry
Lionizing
X-ing a Paragraph
Metzengerstein
THe System of Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether
How to Write a Blackwood Article
A Predicament
Mystification
DIddling
THe Angel of the Odd
Mellonta Tauta
The Duc de L'omelette
THe Oblong Box
Loss of Breath
The Man that was Used Up
THe Business Man
THe Landscape Garden
Maelzel's Chess Player
THe power of Words
The Colloquy of Monos and Unas
The Conversation of Eiros and Charmion
Shadow, A Parable

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Masterpieces-American-Wit-Humor-Various-ebook

Agnes Repplier, "A Plea for Humor"
Marietta Holley, "An Unmarried Female"
Fitzhugh Ludlow, "Selections from a Brace of Boys"
Robert Jones Burdette, "Rheumatism Movement Cure"
Oliver Wendell Holmes, "An Aphorism and a Lecture"
Joshua S. Morris, "The Harp of a Thousand Strings"
Seba Smith, "My First Visit to Portland"
William Cullen Bryant, "The Mosquito"
John Carver, "Country Burial-Places"
Danforth Marble, "The Hoosier and the Salt-Pile"
Anne Bache, "The Quilting"
Fitz-Greene Halleck, "A Fragment / Domestic Happiness"
Charles F. Browne ("Artemus Ward"), "One of Mr. Ward's Business Letters / On 'Forts'"
James Russell Lowell, "Without and Within"
Louisa May Alcott, "Street Scenes in Washington"
Albert Bigelow Paine, "Mis' Smith"
James Jeffrey Roohe, "A Boston Lullaby"
Charles Graham Halpine, "Irish Astronomy"
Samuel Minturn Peok, "Bessie Brown, M.D."
Robert C. Sands, "A Monody"
Carolyn Wells, "The Poster Girl"
James Gardner Sanderson, "The Conundrum of the Golf Links"
Harriet Beecher Stowe, "The Minister's Wooing"
William Dean Howells, "Mrs. Johnson"
Anonymous, "The Trout, The Cat, and the Fox" / "The British Matron"

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I just read Marietta Holley "The Unmarried Female" and it was Twainesque fir shir, about wimmin's rights of the day. "Wimmin's only spear is to marry a man"

Anyhow she was a known wit and humorist, compared to Twain in her day. She hung around with Susan B Anthony as well.

.harvard.edu Holley. Explains a series of books she wrote found:

Marietta Holley e-books

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literature/c/the-canterbury-tales/summary-and-analysis/the-millers-prologue-and-tale

Is my favorite of Chaucer's. I can't read middle english so the slider's rule of Cliff's notes applies. btw, Chaucer was disappeared when King Henry over through King Richard. Richard liked Chaucer's satire of the church. Henry's ally in the coup was the church, thus Chaucer wasn't funny anymore, or humor was outlawed all together.

Original

And prively he caught hire by the quiente / And sayde "Ywis, but if ich have my wille, / For deerne love of thee, Lemman, I spille." / And heeld hire harde by the haunche-bone.

Translation

And crudely, he caught her by her vagina / And said "Surely, unless I have my way, / For secret love of thee, sweetheart, I perish," / And held her sensuously by the groins.

I don't see how vagina comes from quiente, but another word I CAN see.

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http://www.historyisaweapon.com/zinnapeopleshistory.html

Zenzoe, AIW, chapter six might have resonance.

Many women came in those early years as indentured servants- often teenaged girls-and lived lives not much different from slaves, except that the term of service had an end. They were to be obedient to masters and mistresses. The authors of Americans Working Women (Baxandall, Gordon, and Reverby) describe the situation:

They were poorly paid and often treated rudely and harshly, deprived of good food and privacy. Of course these terrible conditions provoked resistance. Living in separate families without much contact with others in their position, indentured servants had one primary path of resistance open to them: passive resistance, trying to do as little work as possible and to create difficulties for their masters and mistresses. Of course the masters and mistresses did not interpret it that way, but saw the difficult behavior of their servants as sullenness, laziness, malevolence and stupidity.

For instance, the General Court of Connecticut in 1645 ordered that a certain "Susan C., for her rebellious carriage toward her mistress, to be sent to the house of correction and be kept to hard labor and coarse diet, to be brought forth the next lecture day to be publicly corrected, and so to be corrected weekly, until order be given to the contrary."

Sexual abuse of masters against servant girls became commonplace. The court records of Virginia and other colonies show masters brought into court for this, so we can assume that these were especially flagrant cases; there must have been many more instances never brought to public light.

In 1756, Elizabeth Sprigs wrote to her father about her servitude:

What we unfortunate English People suffer here is beyond the probability of you in England to Conceive, let it suffice that I one of the unhappy Number, am toiling almost Day and Night, and very often in the Horses druggery, with only this comfort that you Bitch you do not halfe enough, and then tied up and whipp'd to that Degree that you'd not serve an Animal, scarce any thing but Indian Corn and Salt to eat and that even begrudged nay many Negroes are better used, almost naked no shoes nor stockings to wear ... what rest we can get is to rap ourselves up in a Blanket and ly upon the Ground. ...

The native americans had tribes that treated women if not equal, close to it, and the Zumi were sort of matriarchial. The English Americans prove that treating employees like shit is in their DNA, thus Eugene Debbs was a response. 300+ years hence, what progress, girls can go to university while they are abused.

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Molly Ivans 18 pieces for The Nation magazine are now in book form, but not free as the title of this thread implies. However, Katrina vanden Heuvel wrote of Molly comparing her satirical wit to Twain, Will Rogers, and Ring Lardner.

Ring Lardner's Gullible's Travels is free and html, so no download required.

btw, his co-author was Vern Acular, the same guy that co-authored a lot of Twain's. I used him too when I first wrote some stories in grade school.

The narrator tells of his night at the O'pra in very high seats at the back

A Lilliputhian with a match in his hand comes out to start up the orchestry.
Carmen ain't no regular musical show where a couple o' Yids comes out and pulls a few lines o' dialogue and then a girl and a he-flirt sings a song that ain't got nothin' to do with it. Carmen's a regular play, only instead o' them sayin' the lines, they sing them, and in for'n languages so's the actors can pick up some loose change offen the sale o' the liberettos. The music was wrote by George S. Busy, and it must of kept him that way about two mont's. The words was either throwed together by the stage carpenter or else took down by a stenographer outdoors durin' a drizzle. Anyway, they ain't nobody claims them. Every oncet in three or four pages they forget themself and rhyme. You got to read each verse over two or three times before you learn what they're hintin' at, but the management gives you plenty o' time to do it between acts and still sneak a couple o' hours' sleep.
And his shoes was a last year's edition o' the kind that's supposed to give your feet a chance, and if his feet had of been the kind that takes chances they was two or three places where they could of got away without much trouble.
Loose fitting shoes, aka comfortable.

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cont'd. chapter 2

THREE KINGS AND A PAIR

Accordin' to some authorities, a person, before they get married, should ought to look up your opponent's family tree and find out what all her relatives died of. But the way I got it figured out, if you're sure they did die, the rest of it don't make no difference. In exceptionable cases it may be all right to take a girl that part of her family is still livin', but not under no circumstances if the part happens to be a unmarried sister named Bessie.

We was expectin' her in about two weeks, but we got a card Saturday mornin' which she says on it that she'd come right away if it was all the same to us, because it was the dull season in Wabash society and she could tear loose better at the present time than later on. Well, I guess they ain't no time in the year when society in Wabash would collapse for she not bein' there, but if she had to come at all, the sooner it was over the better. And besides, it wouldn't of did us no good to say aye, yes or no, because the postcard only beat her here by a few hours.

Not havin' no idear she was comin' so soon I didn't meet the train, but it seems like she brought her escort right along with her. It was a guy named Bishop and she'd met him on the trip up. The news butcher introduced them, I guess. He seen her safe to the house and she was there when I got home. Her and my Missus was full of him.

"Just think!" the Missus says. "He writes motion-pitcher plays."

"And gets ten thousand a year," says Bess.

"Did you find out from the firm?" I ast her.

"He told me himself," says Bessie.

"That's the right kind o' fella," says I, "open and above the board."

"Oh, you'll like Mr. Bishop," says Bess. "He says such funny things."

"Yes," I says, "that's a pretty good one about the ten thousand a year. But I suppose it's funnier when he tells it himself. I wisht I could meet him."

"They won't be no trouble about that," says the Missus. "He's comin' to dinner to-morrow and he's comin' to play cards some evenin' next week."

"What evenin'?" I says.

"Any evenin' that's convenient for you," says Bessie.

"Well," I says, "I'm sorry, but I got engagements every night except Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday."

"What about Tuesday?" ast Bessie.

"We're goin' to the op'ra," I says.

"Oh, won't that be grand!" says Bessie. "I wonder what I can wear."

"A kimono'll be all right," I says. "If the door-bell rings, you don't have to answer it."

"What do you mean?" says the Missus. "I guess if we go, Bess'll go with us."

"You'd starve to death if you guessed for a livin'," I says.

"Never mind that kind o' talk," says the Missus. "When we got a visitor we're not goin' out places nights and leave her here alone."

"What's the matter with Bishop?" I says. "They's lots o' two-handed card games."

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Grimms wrote over 200 tales, some short enough to read as one might take a bite of a just baked pie, for a taste:

THE STRAW, THE COAL, AND THE BEAN

In a village dwelt a poor old woman, who had gathered together a dish of beans and wanted to cook them. So she made a fire on her hearth, and that it might burn the quicker, she lighted it with a handful of straw. When she was emptying the beans into the pan, one dropped without her observing it, and lay on the ground beside a straw, and soon afterwards a burning coal from the fire leapt down to the two. Then the straw began and said: 'Dear friends, from whence do you come here?' The coal replied: 'I fortunately sprang out of the fire, and if I had not escaped by sheer force, my death would have been certain,—I should have been burnt to ashes.' The bean said: 'I too have escaped with a whole skin, but if the old woman had got me into the pan, I should have been made into broth without any mercy, like my comrades.' 'And would a better fate have fallen to my lot?' said the straw. 'The old woman has destroyed all my brethren in fire and smoke; she seized sixty of them at once, and took their lives. I luckily slipped through her fingers.'

'But what are we to do now?' said the coal.

'I think,' answered the bean, 'that as we have so fortunately escaped death, we should keep together like good companions, and lest a new mischance should overtake us here, we should go away together, and repair to a foreign country.'

The proposition pleased the two others, and they set out on their way together. Soon, however, they came to a little brook, and as there was no bridge or foot-plank, they did not know how they were to get over it. The straw hit on a good idea, and said: 'I will lay myself straight across, and then you can walk over on me as on a bridge.' The straw therefore stretched itself from one bank to the other, and the coal, who was of an impetuous disposition, tripped quite boldly on to the newly-built bridge. But when she had reached the middle, and heard the water rushing beneath her, she was after all, afraid, and stood still, and ventured no farther. The straw, however, began to burn, broke in two pieces, and fell into the stream. The coal slipped after her, hissed when she got into the water, and breathed her last. The bean, who had prudently stayed behind on the shore, could not but laugh at the event, was unable to stop, and laughed so heartily that she burst. It would have been all over with her, likewise, if, by good fortune, a tailor who was travelling in search of work, had not sat down to rest by the brook. As he had a compassionate heart he pulled out his needle and thread, and sewed her together. The bean thanked him most prettily, but as the tailor used black thread, all beans since then have a black seam.

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What Do Democrats Really Want?

Thom plus logo Thomas Friedman, the confused billionaire, told us decades ago that "free trade" is what made the Lexus a successful product when, in fact, it was decades of Japanese government subsidies and explicit tariffs that did so.
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