Jeepers Mr. President

In the Bizarro World (this one) a president just can't keep out of the affairs of other nations. Let's see how it is on the "Alternative Earth".

Those of us that love peace (or at least hate war enough) now and then, dream of a world where the politicos concern themselves with peace and freedom above all. Sadly the world we live in, just ain't it. No, we instead live in, because of the hatred of peace of our so-called leaders, the Bizarro World.

The concept of lasting peace in the alternative universe is what some folks just may cling to, to keep the last drops of optimism from draining out of our souls. Just for shinolas & giggles, the "Presidential Batphone" whose lines stretch across parallel universes presented if for nothing else, to tell your friends that you actually read something today. President Obama from the Voluntaryist universe calls up our leader of the ill-presumed free world that we sadly live on...

"Jeepers, Bizarro Barry, sweetie, honey pie, Corn Chex" (I ripped that one off from Gardner Goldsmith, and boy am I going to wear it out!) "Now uh, here's the deal, we got plenty of jobs here in the peaceful universe. Production isn't going into war, destruction of the quality of life, imprisoning peaceful people, wasteful spending, or any of that silly stuff. Government is limited on this end of the phone, in fact it doesn't even really exist in a way you'd recognize it".

"Hokey smokes there, Oat Bran. You talking anarchy? It sounds like a voluntary society where folks aren't pitted against each other fighting for the scraps. I just can't keep from getting involved in other people's business, I'm a busybody who can't produce stuff people would actually want in the private sector. Those stupid Jonas Brothers have got me bugged and I can't find the control box to my predator drone. I think Michelle hid it from me when she caught me drooling and babbling during the G.I. Joe movie".

"My job is to water the Whitehouse Rose Garden & supervise the kitchen staff. I'm not allowed to be a tyrant anywhere else in the world. People call me up and say "waah there's a war going on between the Grand Republic of Gazertiniod and Lower South East Bloit. I tell them to drop by the house, because we're having roast beef for lunch. What the heck do they want me to do, get involved and send my people to die? Ask me about my salary and bonuses, c'mon ask me, Golden Crisp"

"Jeepers again, Frosted Mini Wheats, I don't get it. I can't wrap my head around why you don't have a massive standing army just standing around in 170 plus countries. How come you don't have those shell game moving of everybody's money from one guy to another? I bet you don't even have a Gitmo, SWAT teams, or an I.R.S. do you? Ok, I'll bite, what are you pulling down, man?"

"That's the beauty of it, I get $2 million shiny gold backed plerk dollars. Gotta love a job for the plerks. I get it all from a private lottery and a nice fat bonus when I keep the federal budget to zero. Nobody has a gun to their heads to cough up taxes. Weed is legal here and you should try some, it's better than that bunk herb you're smoking, I've seen you on CNN, Cap'n Crunch. Funding of any "taxes" at all is voluntary. Don't need it, you don't pay for it, nobody gets their house swiped. We have very little public funding of anything at all and we're still looking for ways to get it out of the state's hands. We inherited a real mess when we learned that some of the people who held the job before me, were mostly about growing government. Yet we have some real hope that things could get better. If you like I can help you guys out too. I'll have one of my advisers give you a ring on the Batphone, Honey Bunches of Oats".


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