A botanist who scours shelves for mysterious old books and herbals is likely to find something unusual eventually, especially in private collections of books which have somehow ended up for sale at the Faith Farm. Of great rarity in my collection are a set of small books which belonged to a priest, on the Ritual and Practice of Poo-Doo, Its Use in Human Kind.

Poo-Doo allows the permanent externalization of painful conflict inflicted upon the primal creative ego, for the release and assured removal of anger and guilt over anger, honing judgement for better reflexes against approaching repeat conflicts which the ego then successfully anticipates and deflects.

Somewhat Pavlovian in theory, Poo-Doo bases its approach to adapting to mental pain inflicted by others, on a cyclical human tendency towards conflicts which re-occur. It happens due to an unresolved seed-conflict which is buried and dealt with in our inner, controllable world. Inside we can safely detest, abhor, hex, and make fun of our tormentors without seeming to have any imperfections. The Priests of Poo Doo consider this to be the road to illness whereupon the personality is launched onto a socio-path or a pyscho-path. In either case, where seeds have been planted as the result of a previous serious injury to the psyche, they have to be eradicated to end the cycle of regrowth which is often triggered by trivial occurrences, the older we get.

As I say it is a little set of books, as Poo-Doo is applied and taught by books, according to the needs, age, and type injury to the individual. Extreme Poo-Doo is the highest level, and used only when possibility of mental breakdown or debilitating sadness is eminent.

According to the texts, Poo-Doo is contraindicated in injustice-gatherers, Narcissism, and the frankly insane, but highly useful in cases of depression, multiple personality and mood disorders. The treatment mode and course must be thought out carefully to allow a safe but effective release of anger and aggression which is at the same time pleasurable and humorous, and allows the Self to react in private, yet actively in the external world. It is only there the Self can overcome and continue to charge forward rather than harbor an inner city of people not gotten along with, which in effect, retains them forever to torment from the subsconsious.

One case described that of a woman who was banned from her Yoga Class due to a conflict created by her top competitors, though the three had been lunch companions for years. Considering it was Yoga, after all, and the center of the woman's life, being cut off and betrayed from the Unity of Life by her closest spiritual comrades could not be justified in her external thinking. She was really ticked off.

She was assigned a Poo-Doo Practioner who discovered the companions had given her a certain pair of lycra Yoga pants one birthday. The Practitioner then selected an applicable pamphlet and told the woman to go home and read it for herself. The therapy prescribed that in absolute privacy, the wounded patient use a Sharpie and every inch of fabric to write "Goodbye" So and So "So Long, Farewell," anything funny, using the names of the offenders, with generous use of "Goodbye." No hostilities or curses were allowed, just as many ways of saying personal toodle-loos as possible were encouraged.

The instructions were to plan at least one hour for a thorough job of decorating fabric for Poo-Doo. Then the use of sewing scissors was allowed, which cut through lycra with a satisfying sensation, to carefully and tenderly render the fabric into tiny pieces, as if it were a sewing project of the greatest importance. The activity was to take place in the patient's favorite room, with music or programming, and pure essential oil aromatherapy. The remains of the pants filled two small grocery bags.

Now comes the essence of Poo-Doo, for the completion of therapy requires patience and time, or disastrous consequences may occur. The externalized private healing would be no longer private because explanations and a plumber would be required.

The contents of the two bags were to be disposed of in already-necessary acts of flushing. This meant gleeful removal by sewer system, but a few tiny pieces of lycra at a time. The bags were kept handy in a decorative basket so that every flush would serve a double purpose, and it was an entire four months till the last curl of lycra went its course.

The woman experienced complete, private self-liberation from a disturbing situation which she consciously knows is stored in tertiary treatment wastewater, where it belongs.

No one else need ever know what we do with Poo Doo, particularly at the upper late stage levels, where our most fundamental creativity becomes the central component of therapy.



Zenzoe 6 years 42 weeks ago

Very charming, Leigh. If only Poo-Doo would work. As it is, I find ruthless and unapologetic Voodoo offers a most satisfying cure every time. ;-) (I'm sure there's a lyric in this, if you will entertain us with one...)

Natural Lefty's picture
Natural Lefty 6 years 42 weeks ago

Poo-doo and Voo-doo are two of the most popular forms of psychodynamic therapy.

leighmf's picture
leighmf 6 years 42 weeks ago

Of course it works Zenzoe. It's the best! Perhaps you need an advanced level prescription which calls for greater use of raw materials and crafting. Photograph or business card porcupines are recommended for recalcitrant cases.

And NL- I am so delighted for a professional stamp on the subject of Poo-Doo. Of course, who knows how many people have encountered the books but haven't said so? Who has the nerve to make a Presentation or Seminar on this and bring this valuable therapy into the open?

Just thinking about trying to make a poster board presentation to the Therapeutic Community has me rolling in the aisles.

Zenzoe 6 years 42 weeks ago

Btw, Leigh, does one say, Poo-DOO, or POO-doo? Accent on the last sylLAble or first? Or neither?

Natural Lefty's picture
Natural Lefty 6 years 42 weeks ago

Yes, accents are very important. Chinese has four different accents for each syllabe, which can all mean different things, plus there are a few Chinese words with no accent. Thus, the two syllable word Poo-Doo could mean any of twenty-five different things, depending upon the accents.

I think you should do a poster presentation about Poo-Doo therapy at the American Psychological Association convention, Leigh. That would really get peoples' attention. LOL

leighmf's picture
leighmf 6 years 42 weeks ago

I tend to think of it as an evenly accented hyphenated word, like Play-Doh, or Hoo-Hoo. There is no formally recommended pronunciation, since it is an individual practice. One might prounounce it outwardly one way to one's colleagues, but the beauty of Poo-Doo is a return to autonomy.

I suspect some roots in Chinese philosophy, then, since we are free to pronounce and perform Poo-Doo at least 25 different ways.

NL- Don't you think the Psychiatrists need it more? I would love to come out in a navy suit, sensible pumps, wearing a bun and wire-rimmed glasses and discuss the literature as well as unveil some graphic ideas and plexiglas and clay models. I just doubt my ability to carry it off without cracking myself up and going out of character. A fit of hyper auto-endorphinism would ruin it. This sort of stunt would have to be rehearsed at least eight weeks for me to maintain composure.

Of course it would be the ultimate Poo-Doo to release on behalf of all the misdiagnosed whose doctors shoot over to the office in one of several Ferraris.

Alberto Ceras 2's picture
Alberto Ceras 2 6 years 42 weeks ago

Get the correct pronunciation from the Urban Dictionary: No guide to accent, though.


poo doo

1. pronounced (peu-deu). It is simply the fine nectar that forms between the anis and vagina that is a mixture of too sweets but not excluding secretions.

The funk creeping down her leg must have been poo doo.

(spelling according to the UD)

leighmf's picture
leighmf 6 years 42 weeks ago

Oh but Alberto, the UB can't even spell "anis" or "two." However it is impressive that you found anything at all.

"Poo doo" might be a corrupted take-off based on a misintrepretation of the original phonetics. Perhaps someone's old grandmother remembered the practice and the words crept into a subconsious gutter of a young impressionable mind.

However, the old booklets distinctly hyphenate the word.

Also, the "Poo-Doo" of the old texts is a ritual practice, or therapy, not an actual product.

Psychologically Poo-Doo rituals do not glorify or assign pleasant connotations to that which the body naturally casts off as waste. It in fact celebrates the individual's power to consolidate the extraneous, acknowledge its worthlessness, and wash it away forever. It is a triumph of humanity that we can remove bio-hazards from our immediate presence with the convenience of a Standard Oil-brand flush toilet.

Another use of Poo-Doo is its use for disposal of silly superstitious objects that are given to us for protection, particularly during a trying time of life.

If another girlfriend of mine comes back from her trip to Greece and gives me an Evil Eye protection charm, I may have to change townships.

Alberto Ceras 2's picture
Alberto Ceras 2 6 years 42 weeks ago
Quote leighmf:

Oh but Alberto, the UB can't even spell "anis" or "two." However it is impressive that you found anything at all.

Ah, poodoobrain*, no impress intended, education only for those not afflicted by educationitis. Or better said, no frontin front of hyphenates. Who is "UB"?

Could it be "two sweats" instead of "too sweets"???


Natural Lefty's picture
Natural Lefty 6 years 42 weeks ago

So Poo-Dooism is the cleansing of the mind. That is quite therapeutic, and I agree that the psychological turmoils faced by psychologists and psychiatrists puts them much in need of a good mind cleansing, not to mention the cleansing of the Poo-Doo as defined in the Urban Dictionary.

Of course, doing such things with such an educated audience, requires much practice, and may still result in uncontrollable laughter. .

Alberto Ceras 2's picture
Alberto Ceras 2 6 years 42 weeks ago

Cleansing of the mind? Did you mean CMH, Natural Lefty? As in "Clearing My Head"? There's no end to the intellectual tidbits in the Urban Dictionary:


Albert: Hey Fred, Have you ever heard of the band, "ICP?".
Fred: Oh, insane clown posse? Yeah, I heard they were a bunch of wankers quite frankly..
Albert: You heard wrong friend! These people are the cream of the crop! They are the height of intellectuality this world has ever and will ever see! They're a godsend!
Fred: Thanks for clearing my mind and saving me from damnation Albert! I'll be off now to listen to this excellent band and draw pictures of a man running with an axe on all my binders!
Albert: Splendid!

leighmf's picture
leighmf 6 years 42 weeks ago

Indeed I should enjoy inducing uncontrollable laughter in a roomful of psychiatrists. Laughter is the best medicine. We all know what can happen during uncontrollable laughter! It could bring about a total release and introduce a new market for Depends. You know what that means- more money for more medical suppliers. Primal Screamers, Out of my Way-

Alberto, UB is actually Union Bank. Clearly I meant to say UD, or psychologically I may have been thinking of UP (Union Pacific), considering. The UD sounds too racy for me. I'm not allowed to watch Hogan's Heroes even,

As for clearing and cleansing, P-D is not a cathartic treatment per se. The texts point out the difference. Ridding oneself of toxins and ritual purifications are considered superstitious practice left over from the days people believed that "inner evils" could be ejected, sweated, iced, or tortured out of the body.

Not that fasts and diets may not be beneficial to the alimentary system, but catharsis admits to an Outside Possession of the self by an internalized object which must be removed or cast out by extraordinary means.

P-D prevents the internalization of hostility before we have the chance to disguise it as something else and hide it in an alter-ego.

Case in point mentioned above - one hardly expected the members of a Yoga class to become vicious. But in reality these things happen in church, social circles, condo associations, Publix, and anyplace individuals collide. If we are injured, intentionally or not, whereas some people respond with anger, fits, binge-drinking, lighting firecrackers or keying cars, it is better to take secret control of one's self esteem and exact primal revenge in a thoroughly creative, though disgusting way, which can also be unbelievably hilarious, depending on your imagination.

P-D allows revenge as a healthy acceptable act, perhaps even more satisfying than driving one's sabre through the gut of their tormentor. Anything can be driven into P-D media without legal consequences, guilt, or loss of respect by the community. It is more satisfying when one may encounter their adversary in public, to know a little bit of their face is flowing through the sewer pipes beneath your conversation.

And no one need ever know about another's P-D. But if you happen to see someone going about with a little smirk of delight, chances are they know the art.

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