While it is somewhat unethical to diagnose problems in patients which have not been formally examined, I don’t have a problem with this. After all, I am not a psychiatrist and I don’t play one on TV either. But I know crazy when I see it. The signs of crazy are all over Donald. As sure as Sarah Palin had a case of the simples, Donald has a case of the crazies. His helter skelter oratory spectacles are a good place to start after we deal with his vision problems.

First off, anyone with hair that color would have to be suspect, unless he has a color vision problem that makes it impossible for him to see what we see. If he were “Where’s Waldo” you could pick him out of a herd of ‘whatever’ in a flash. This health problem that Donald has is pretty minor, but I am getting to the more serious ones, including neurologic pathology. As a fan of cryptozoology, this is my strong suit.

I am concerned that Donald doesn’t get enough sleep. Maybe his casket in his bat cave needs a gel foam mattress. He needs to be careful because they are flammable. I suggest using an asbestos doo-rag before bedtime. Better yet, he could hang himself on a hook. He has to spend several hours every day fussing with that orange thing that is nesting on his head. This must be a big challenge when you can’t see your hair in a mirror. The hook would avoid bed head and save a huge, amazing amount of time--believe me! I wonder who grooms that thing for him? Does he have a full time hair stylist? Maybe a curator instead…someone ask an expert…where's Jack Hanna?

So let’s get on to the more serious stuff. Ever watch him giving a speech and observe the following? He can’t move his mouth without moving his hands. After studying this behavior closely I have figured out what ‘s going on. Crazy Donald is actually an auto-ventriloquist. He has strings going up his coat sleeves. Notice that you have never seen him without a coat or long sleeved shirt on. This is to hide the strings. He is actually asleep during each one of this talks and is programmed to operate his head and lips with his strings.

I know that you are all grateful for my concern about Crazy Donald. I am watching him and will update you with the next diagnosis. So far we have color vision and mirror vision deficits, sleep deprivation disorder, tonsorial malpractice and auto-ventriloquist syndrome.

Tell us your diagnosis. He needs our help fast. Dare to be a doctor—he does with Hilary every day now.

Comments

Jimmy Dean's picture
Jimmy Dean 3 years 8 weeks ago
#1

Well doctor, my diagnosis concludes that the Donald is suffering from terminal cranial-rectitis, ie: head-up-his-own-ass syndrome. The only thing we can do at this point is remove life support & pray that he goes peacefully. Sadly he seems to have infected a large number of the low-intellect segment of our populace. Minorities shouldn't worry, it seems to be mostly limited to white males with little or no education.

zapdam.'s picture
zapdam. 3 years 8 weeks ago
#2

Trump is normal in an insane society.

PhilfromOhio's picture
PhilfromOhio 3 years 8 weeks ago
#3

Dear Jimmy, I like your style (and your sausage too). I will consider your diagnostic input during my continuing exam of the patient.

zapdam.'s picture
zapdam. 3 years 8 weeks ago
#4

Who knows when Hillary decimates the Republican party come this November , we might all learn that Trump was a political double agent , a plant, a saboteur, sent to subvert the mindless Republican party and save America and the world from the brazen racist stupidity of a party run by Tea Party ideology. We might learn that Trump put himself in harms way, damaged his own brand to save America. Imagine finding out that Donald Trump is an American hero.

PhilfromOhio's picture
PhilfromOhio 3 years 7 weeks ago
#5

Disabling Bone Spurs Take Donald Out of Combat (he missed his first chance to help make American Great)

OK, zapam, the same occurred to me. Amnesty Don is simply throwing himself on the grenade to spare the rest of us from the Teabaggers. Maybe that is why he was jerking us around with this testimonial (medical statement) from his gastroenterologist. The guy on TV with the long hair and weird grin.

To move this diagnostic problem forward, we have to revisit the reasons for Donald's Vietnam era deferrment...........he got 4 deferrments and then hit the jackpot with the 4F diagnosis of bone spurs on his heels (Chickens also have spurs....hold on to that comparison). After a successful athletic school extramural stint with football (he was 6'2") he was too feeble to pass the criteria for being drafted. I suppose the winner letter was from his current doctor's father, also a doctor. I think we should all look at those x-rays ourselves. Yes, we all want to see them and the letter to the draft board that took him out of combat. I wonder how those disabling spurs are today. We need to follow the progress of that problem to the present day. Did they require emergency surgery at the time to save his life. Cough Donald, and then cough up the records.

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