IF MONEY GREW ON TREES

If money grew on trees, wouldn’t it be great? Then everyone would have money, right? Well, not exactly--here’s a more realistic scenario.

Laws would be passed regulating the growing of money trees. Only the government and certain rich people and large corporations who gave huge campaign donations would be allowed to grow money trees. The money tree seeds would be coins, which, when planted in rich enough soil, would grow into large trees which had paper money growing on their branches. Police would scour the countryside looking for any trees that were not legally grown, and destroy them. Anyone who was not authorized to grow money trees would be arrested and given a long prison sentence. Some people would try to illegally grow money trees in their basement, and new hybrids of money tree would be developed that would be small enough to fit indoors. A black market would develop which would give non-law-abiding citizens the cash they needed. The police would stop and frisk anyone they thought looked suspicious and search their pockets for illegal money, and they would be arrested and thrown in jail. There would be huge orchards surrounded by barbed wire and armed guards, and the orchards would be tended by migrant workers who were paid very poorly.

Genetically engineered money trees would produce larger yields of money. Since the money trees had a tendency to deplete the rich soil, the trees would need tons of fertilizer, which would be distilled from the sweat of underpaid and overworked laborers. Derivatives would be sprayed on the trees to keep silverfish away from the money growing on the trees.

Politicians would warn the citizens of the dangers of letting other countries grow their own money. Any country who tried to grow money without the oligarchy’s consent would be invaded, and their money trees would be sprayed with Agent Orange. Any land that had money trees growing on it would be confiscated to make the world “financially secure” and large military bases would be set up in every country to be sure that the money orchards were safe from marauding poor people. The Supreme Court would rule that since money is speech, anyone who wanted to practice “free speech” would have to pay heavy taxes. This would keep all those annoying poor people from voicing their opinions. Anyone who disagreed with the ruling that “money is speech” would be labeled a terrorist and killed by drones, and any foreign leaders who objected or tried to interfere would be assassinated by SWAT teams.

Of course, we know that none of this could really happen, because money doesn’t grow on trees—it’s printed on printing presses!

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The Founders Created the Electoral College to Prevent a Foreign-Influenced Candidate From Winning - It Didn't Stop Trump, so Let's Scrap It

Thom plus logo It's time to take another step forward in fine-tuning our republic and abolish the Electoral College.

America's Founders and Framers thought they could use the Electoral College to prevent somebody like Donald Trump from ever becoming president. Unfortunately, they were wrong, and now we're paying the price.